


Con ánimo de amar

by LynyrdSkynyrd



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-02 21:14:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5263826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynyrdSkynyrd/pseuds/LynyrdSkynyrd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then a scream echoes through the corridors. Leo feels his own chest tighten, he knows something bad is about to happen, something terrible. Something that will destroy him and his happy little world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yulin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yulin/gifts).



> You can find me on [tumblr](http://franzkafkaesque.tumblr.com/).

_**13.05.2016** _

 

Leo's tearful, wide brown eyes focus on the other man, still can't believe what he is hearing. His wet, pink bottom lip trembles, like he wants to say something or maybe scream but no sound leaves his mouth. There is a heavy feeling growing in his chest, crushing his bones, making it impossible to breath. A painful sound escapes between his teeth, clenching his pale as ghost hands into fists. Argentine pride takes over his body, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from being pathetic or crying in front of him. A part of him still believes -wishes- that this is just a sick joke. Other man will laugh at him, Leo will punch his arm angrily for being an asshole but he will pull Leo into his arms and kiss his forehead, whispering how much he loves Leo.

“W-What?” He says suddenly.

“Don't you get it?” But there is no love in Cris' voice. It is cold, emotionless. He doesn't even look at Leo. He looks at the wall in front of him. Eyes as cold as his manly voice.

“No! I don't get it. If you are going to say something,” he takes a step closer to him, finally feeling the rage, pride and bravery inside of him. Leo stands taller in front of the chair Cris sitting on but Cristiano doesn't take his eyes off of the wall,“at least say it while looking into my eyes.” Cristiano suddenly stands up, looking down on Leo. His cold brown eyes meet Leo's warm and confused ones. Leo can't read his face, he is like a stranger.  _Who are you,_  Leo wants to scream at his face.

“I lied to you.” Cris says, an evil, cruel smile appears on his lips. “I lied to you and being the fool you are, you believed everything I have told you. How pathetic!” Cris yells at him, raising his voice and Leo feels smaller every passing second but his eyes can't leave Cris'. “How stupid are you, you little one, how could you believe me?”

“But--”

“Don't.” Cris says, now his eyes are shining too, but there are no tears. Is this rage? Mockery? Maybe pity? No, he can't be feeling pity, he looks far too cruel to feel something like that. “Can't you just stop embarrassing yourself and leave?”

“What happened to you? This is not the Cris I know.” Leo whispers unbelievingly. Cris throws his head back and laughs cruelly.

“Do you think you know me? You know nothing! I fucked you! I played with you! I enjoyed every second of it and I don't regret a single thing. You are the stupid one for believing that I actually loved you.”

“I--”

“Just leave already! It's done, I am bored, I don't want to see you again.” Leo straightens his back, looking directly into Cris' eyes, there are only inches between their faces.

“Oh, you will see me again, don't be ridiculous.” Leo says, now his voice is full of venom, too. But he still doesn't yell at Cris which annoys Cris to no end. “You will see me everyday but you won't have to deal with me as you said. I will leave you alone because this is what you want, right? Is that what you want?”

“Yes.” Cris whispers. He doesn't look as cruel and determined as before but there is no doubt in his voice.

“Okay then.” Leo says firmly before storming out the front door, slamming it behind him. Cris drops down on his couch like a cold dead body, covering his eyes with his arm. How did they come to this point? It's all his fault.

 

**6 Months Ago**

 

_**02.11.2015** _

“Hey, Leo, is everything alright?” Neymar asks worriedly because his friend is reading the same page for 5 minutes now. Leo seems distant, like his mind is somewhere else. But he simply shakes his head, rubbing his temple with his long, pale fingers.

“I have a terrible headache.” He says. Neymar looks up from where he's sitting.

“Do you want me to get you painkillers?” Leo looks at Neymar between his fingers, smiling shyly.

“That would be great, Ney, thank you.” Neymar nods dutifully before leaving the room. Leo sighs and buries his face in his hands. He can't tell Neymar why he is having a headache or why he simply can't study because he's not sure if there is anything to tell. Okay, maybe Cristiano Ronaldo confessed him his 'undying love' but Leo still feels so confused. He doesn't even know Cris that well. They were taking same chemistry class last year but they barely spoke to each other. However Leo could always feel his eyes on him. Leo thought he was being paranoid, he spent that year working hard to pay his debt and studying all night. He could barely sleep and he was always so tired. So he thought he was imagining things. But this morning Cristiano came to him, asking to talk in private. Leo simply nodded his head and followed him. Cris, standing all tall and confident in front of him, told him that he likes Leo since the first moment he saw him. Leo was dumbfound, not knowing what to say, he looked at Cris confusedly. Cris smiled softly before his fingers pushing Leo's bangs out of his eyes.

 _“It is okay if you need time but please don't make me wait too long. I am not the most patient guy out there.”_ He said before leaving Leo leaning against the cold wall, confused and shocked.

The truth is, Leo does like him. A lot. But it feels strange, he is--

“LEO!” His door crashes loudly against the wall and Antonella runs inside as Leo cringes.

“Be careful!” He yells scaredly. The last time Gerard opened their door like that, Ney and Leo got in trouble with management for 'ruining' the painting on the wall. Leo would like to say it looks better this way but he held his tongue.

“Leo, you won't believe what happened!” Anto jumps on his bed excitedly and starts screaming. “Ah, I still can't believe!” Leo watches his childhood friend amusedly, lifting a brow.

“Care to share your good news with me?” Anto jumps down and wraps her arms around Leo tightly.

“Ignacio proposed me!”

“What?” Leo says shockedly. Antonella laughs and nods as Leo stares her with wide eyes. “When? How? Did you say yes?” Antonella rolls her eyes.

“Of course I said yes, Leo, don't be an idiot. He proposed me last night, I stayed at his home and I came here right after, to share the great news with my best friend!” She tells excitedly, she can't stay still. Leo finally wraps his arms around her, lifting her from the floor and spinning her in his arms as she laughs cheerfully.

“I am so happy for you Anto.” Leo says when he stops and lets her go. “You deserve to be happy.” His door opens again and Neymar comes in with a bottle of water and painkillers in his hands. He looks at them both confusedly.

“What is going on here, I can hear you two from the other end of the corridor?” Antonella claps her hands and hugs Neymar.

“I am getting married!”

“What?! Now?!” Neymar screams, Antonella slaps his head as she rolls her eyes.

“Why are you all so dumb? Not now, of course! We will wait until summer, Ignacio will be graduating from college, you know this is his last year here and then we will get married. But he proposed me, ah, can you believe it?!”

“That's great, Anto.” Neymar says, his smile is sincere, warm and sweet. Anto turns her eyes to Leo, smiling evilly all of a sudden. Leo knows this is BAD news when Anto smiles like that.

“But I am not the only one with big news, right?” She says finally.

“Huh?” Leo says dumbly. He suddenly feels uncomfortable under Neymar's confused and Anto's amused gazes.

“Gerard told me Cristiano Ronaldo asked you out on a date.”

“WHAT?” Both Leo and Neymar yells at the same time. Anto dramatically covers her ears.

“I didn't even tell him, what the fuck?!” Leo says nervously.

“Yeah, but Cristiano told Sergio and Sergio told Gerard during football practice this morning.” Leo facepalms, he should have known. Ugh, fucking Gerard!

“Look, it's not--”

“What did you say? Did you say yes or no?” Anto asks excitedly. Leo feels his headache goes 10 times worse all of a sudden.

“I didn't say anything.” Anto frowns at him.

“Why? Don't you like him?” Leo looks at his feet embarrassedly. Does he? He is not sure.

“I don't know. He seems nice and I think I like him but-- ugh, I don't know!”

“Why? If you like him, be with him then.” Anto says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

“But it's Leo's decision and he is not sure that means he doesn't actually like him, right?” Neymar speaks finally. Leo looks at him under his messy bags.

“Oh, stop saying shit like that, Ney.” Anto punches his arm annoyedly. Neymar rubs where she just hit with a pained expression.“They are not getting married, if he likes him, let him live his life. You can't just decide if you are in love with someone or not today. You don't have to. You should try first, Leo. Tell him that you are confused but you like him, I am sure he will understand.”

“Right?” Leo says but his mind is already in somewhere else. Imagining himself talking to Cristiano. Anto must be right, it can't be that bad, right? Cristiano would understand and he would give Leo the time he needs. Maybe they would hang out, fool around like other young people. It's been so long since the last time Leo enjoyed his time without worrying about money or his grades. Cristiano seems like a cool, carefree person. And Leo heard he is a great lover. Only thinking about this is enough to make him blush.

“Exactly!” Anto says with a big smile on her face. “Everything will be great!”

“Will it be?” Neymar mumbles but Anto and Leo are too lost on their own thoughts to hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only self studied English before, didn't take any courses or classes so it's safe to say my Eng is not very good, be nice to me lol


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](http://franzkafkaesque.tumblr.com/).

**04.11.2015**

 

Leo waits 2 days to gather up his courage, he is no coward but opening up and expressing his true feelings to someone is slightly strange, almost unfamiliar to him. He can barely remembers the last time he talked about the way he feels with someone else. It was his mom, of course. He would cry on the phone often, telling his mother how much he misses her. Because being far, far away from your home is never easy. But Leo is one determined, strong, stubborn little Argentine and he refuses to step back, admit the defeat. When he decided to study Anthropology in Spain, he made one promise to himself, only one; never go back. Of course, sometimes he feels like he's reached his breaking point, a part of him whispering him to give up, and he wants to but he can't. He knows he will regret, when he feels like giving up, he thinks of his dreams of success in the future, this is what makes him keep going. There are people he wants to make proud, dreams to fulfill.

And right now, while standing in front of a dorm room, Leo knows he can't step back, no matter how anxious or nervous he is, he needs to give himself this chance. Why? Because he deserves it. He deserves to be happy, he deserves to be loved and he deserves to be with someone he likes. And he--

“Hi?” Leo turns around so fast that he almost loses his balance. Strong hands keeps him on his feet. Leo looks up at the owner of hands, Cristiano Ronaldo awarding him with a wide and shiny smile. “Oh, careful.”

“Thanks.” Leo mumbles embarrassedly as he pulls back. Cris lets him go slowly, eyeing Leo carefully. He rubs the back of his neck with his left hand. His hair looks soft as usual, Cris wants to run his hands through Leo's silky hair.

“What are you doing here?” He asks finally. Of course Cris didn't mean to be rude, he was just curious. He wasn't expecting to see Leo Messi waiting for him in front of his dorm room today. It was a surprise, a very good one.

“Sorry, I shouldn't--” Leo stutters, suddenly feeling extremely shy and anxious. But Cris acts faster and corrects himself.

“No! No!” Cris says quickly. “I mean, I wasn't expecting you, come in.” He unlocks his dorm room, the one he shares with a guy called Rodrigo, and invites Leo in.

“Thanks.” Leo nods, silently thanking him for not making him say something in a corridor full of college students. Cris walks into the room, Leo closes the door behind them as Cris searches for something on his messy desk.

Leo looks around the room, it is different than his and Neymar's room. Not that this one is bigger or better, but Cris has so many different stuff compared to Leo's. Leo and Ney turned their little dorm room into their new home, it's warm and cozy and represent their personalities while Cris' is very.. formal and cold. It is too 'mature' and Leo can't stop himself from thinking Neymar's stuffed animals or Brazilian flag blanket. Everything in Cris' room is gray, black or white.

“Have you thought about what I said?” Cris finally finds the book he's looking for and looks at Leo expectedly. Leo shifts his weight from one foot to the other, eyes running around the room.

“Yeah, I actually did.”

“And?”

“Yes.” He says in one breath.

“Hmm?” Leo looks up at Cris for the first time since he came in the room.

“Yeah, I would like to go out with you.” He knows he is blushing and he HATES it. But Cris doesn't judge him, instead a small smile appears on his lips, still careful, sensing there is a 'but' coming right after his words.

“But..?” He asks, sounding impatient.

“But I am still not sure about my feelings toward you, don't get me wrong, I like you, a lot. But it's been so long since I--” Cris' index fingers push Leo's pink lips against his teeth, silencing him. Leo looks at the finger first, then the owner of the hand dumbly. His eyes are wide open. Cris' smile grows bigger. Now he knows the effect he has on Leo.

“Hey, it's okay. I don't mind. You need time? I get it. It's fine. Trust me.” Leo takes a deep breath, why was he so scared again? Anto was right, Cris understands and he respects Leo's decisions.

“Great.” He says, more relaxed now.

“Good.”

“Yeah.” They stand there for a second, looking each other like they both waiting for other to say something. When he realizes Leo is not planning to say something, Cris points at the book in his hand.

“I have a class so--”

“Oh yeah, sorry.” Leo says, walking to the door immediately. Cris follows close behind him.

“Are you free tonight?” Le shakes his head.

“Oh, sorry, I have to study but what about tomorrow night?”

“Great.” Cris says with a big smile plastered on his face. “See you tomorrow then.” His big hand cups Leo's left cheek and he leans closer, kissing Leo's other cheek softly.

“See you.” Leo says after him but Cris is already disappeared in the sea of college students.

 

 

“Dude, where have you been?” Sergio keeps whining as they walk to their class together. “You went to your room for 'a second' but I have been waiting here for 5 minutes!”

“Stop whining.” Cris says. He is in a great mood and he won't let Sergio ruin it by complaining. “I was with Leo.” Sergio stops dead on his track.

“Wait, who? Leo like Lionel? Messi?!” A couple of students look at them akwardly and Cris rolls his eyes.

“Can you stop yelling? And do you know another Leo? Because I don't.” Cristiano says annoyedly as he checks his mails on his phone. “Ah, fuck! My next class is cancelled.”

“Yo, stop changing the subject.” Cris sighs, understanding he won't be able to dodge Sergio's questions, he gives in. “What were you doing with Messi? Sucking his dick off?”

“Fuck off, Sergio. You know I like Leo. I like him a lot. I don't only want to sleep with him, I do want him to be my boyfriend.” Cris' known as a very sexually active person, their group of friends often make jokes about him being a horny megalomaniac. But the truth is, Cris wanted to ask Leo out since the last semester. But little Argentine was always around his small group of friends, he was an introvert and barely spoke to anyone else despite being extremely polite. He was always wearing his hood over his head, keeping his head low and reading some sort of books about psychology. And Cris can't stop himself but imagine what Leo looks like without his mask and all those extra layers of clothing protecting him wandering eyes.

“How cheesy.” Sergio says but Cris isn't offended. He doesn't expect Sergio to understand his feelings. He never needs to ask for anything, it comes to him naturally. Sergio is not a type to fall deepy in love, he is not passionate (unless it's football or weird designer clothing) like Cristiano. But Cris.. he likes to fully enjoy everything. He likes to have intense sex, love to death. And maybe they are not at this point but Cris knows that if Leo gives thier relationship a chance, he will make sure they will never get seperated again.

 

 

Leo isn't insecure, he just feels different, different than everyone else. It has always been like this. When he is in a group, in crowds, he always feels like an outsider. It is not necessarily a bad thing but Leo would wonder if this is what other people see when they look at him. Do they think he is weird? Do they think he is awkward? Not that he pays attention to other people's thoughts. He gets tired, tired of people, their problems and sounds surrounding him. People seem to move so slow and all he can do is sit there and watch them. He doesn't want to be there then but there is nowhere else he would like to be. He feels lost.

And despite not being insecure, he still feels awkward around Cris. First of all, it's the way he looks at Leo. His eyes.. they are dark and intense. Then his smile. He smiles like he knows your every goddamn secret but it's still warm somehow. And lastly, the way his skin feels against Leo's. When he touched Leo's cheek, fingers caressed the skin softly. His lips meeting Leo's skin.

For the rest of the day, Leo feels confused. Confused about the way he feels and what he's got himself into. Still, at the end of the day, he has a smile plastered on his face and can't hide it no matter what he does.

 

 

Cris decides to go to library after his class ends. Mostly because he has nothing better to do since his next class is cancelled. And he loves reading, especially about wild animals. It is another passion of him. Maybe it's because he feels like one when he's on the pitch. He _thinks_ like one, his instincts taking over him immediately when his boots meet the freshly cutten grass.

Someone interrupts his thoughts with a polite cough. Cristiano looks up at the person standing in front of his desk. He knows the guy, he's seen him before, they were taking maths together. His name's Ignacio but this is all Cris knows about him.

“Hi, Cristiano.”

“Hi?” Cris says, sounding more like a question. He doesn't mean to be rude, he's genuinely confused why Ignacio is here and talking to him. They have never talked to each other before.

“Sorry, I am Ignacio, we take maths together and-”

“I know who you are. Sorry, I was just surprised. Please, sit.” Cris points at the empty chair next to Ignacio. Young Spaniard smiles again before taking the seat gratefully.

“Thanks. Wow, I didn't know you know me.” Cris lifts a brow.

“Why wouldn't I?”

“I don't know.” Ignacio shrugs. “It's just-- we have never talked before, that's why, I guess.” Cris doesn't say anything and Ignacio clears his throat awkwardly. “Umm.. well, I need your help.” Ignacio says, a shy smile plays on his lips. “Sorry to bother you but you are the best in maths class and I am so fucked up.”

“So you need help with maths?” Cristiano says as he turns the page.

“Yeah, man. This is my last year, I need to get my shit together, you know.” Cris didn't know nor does he care but if someone needs help, of course he is going to help them.

“Yeah, of course.” Cris says nonchalantly

“So, will you help me?”

“Sure.” Ignacio claps his hands excitedly.

“Thanks man, you are the best! Are you free tomorrow night?” Cristiano looks up at him, face not giving away anything.

“No. I am busy tomorrow. How about Thursday?”

“Great! Thanks again, man. I owe you.” Cris shrugs.

“No problem.”

 

 

Everyone makes fun of Neymar and how much he talks, he never stops speaking. Especially when he is around his closest friends. And when he is nervous, he talks nonsense. But the truth is, when he is sad, he mourns quietly. This is how he likes it. He is not sad right now but he has that terrible feeling since he heard Anto and Leo talking about Cristiano Ronaldo. He wasn't expecting this, he was jealous of Kun before but he has a girlfriend and Neymar didn't even know Leo and Cris were close. Well, Leo said they weren't but it didn't stop Cristiano from asking Leo out, right? And what will be Leo's answer?

Neymar wants to bang his head against the wall, if it's any way to stop his thoughts. He often feels like drowning lately. He loves this place, his friends and everything else but something is missing and even their little Brazilian gang can't fix this. Neymar is longing for something he can't even name.

He is far away from home.

And maybe that's why he cares so deeply about Leo. How does Leo do it? He doesn't look bothered by anything, it's like he can deal with everything. Most people like to think that Neymar is the carefree one because he is always joking, fooling around, not taking anything seriously. But the truth is, when he lies down, all bad thoughts and fears come back, attacking him like a hungry wolf. He wants to hide under his blanket like little kids do when they are afraid of darkness, because this is the rule number one. If you are a child, what you don't see can't hurt you. But he is too old to believe in this rule and he watches Leo sleep soundly sometimes, wishes he could be just like that.

Leo is his anchor, his reason to get better each day. Leo inspires him, gives him a goal, a mission. And Leo always encourages him with his soft voice and sweet smile. Maybe Ney is being selfish for wanting Leo for himself, all of him, but he can't help it. He is so afraid of sharing Leo.

“Coward.” he whispers to himself. Because he is a coward. He's never been brave enough to talk to Leo about his feelings. When their friends made fun of Ney's crush on Leo, he would go with it, pretends like it's all a joke to him and that it doesn't bother him. Maybe he shouldn't be mad at Ronaldo, there is only one person who deserves his anger and it's Neymar himself.

But does Cris love Leo as much as he deserves? Can he love Leo like Neymar does? Because when Leo spends the night somewhere else, the room gets colder, no matter it's summer or not. Because when Leo looks into his eyes, Neymar can swear that the love inside him rises to the surface, shining bright. And he wonders, oh, how he wonders, how come Leo has never noticed it before? Gerard and Shakira noticed his feelings first, Shakira was always good with understanding people and Gerard was watching him too closely to miss out and even if he did, Shak would most probably tell him. Shakira didn't let Gerard tease with Neymar though, not too much. And when Gerard realized how bad this situation is, he decided not to. Because it was not a simple crush. It's not going away anytime soon. And the idea of Leo having a boyfriend now only makes him more depressed than ever.

And the worst part is, despite it being extremely painful, frustrating and sometimes tiring, Neymar still doesn't wish he wasn't in love with Leo.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated this chapter :/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](http://franzkafkaesque.tumblr.com/).

**05.11.2015**

Gerard drops his controller and stretches in front of their LCD. It's been 2 hours since Neymar came to their door (uninvited, Gerard would like to add) and challenged Gerard to FIFA. Being the competitive person he is, Gerard of course accepted the challenge. While they were fighting and making silly jokes, Shakira rolled her eyes and went kitchen to make some popcorns. Now, Gerard does love Ney, he is a nice guy, funny, too. But he was planning to spend his night with Shak, they couldn't get much needed alone time, despite living together, since their midterm exams started.

“Are you giving up?” Neymar asks, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Gerard yawns, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Mate, I have been studying non-stop for 9 days, give me a break.”

“Excuses, excuses.” Neymar says, eyes still focused on the big screen.

“Hey, come on, tell me, what's going on?” Gerard finally asks. Neymar doesn't look at him but Gerard can see how his face drops.

“Like what?”

“It's wednesday night, dude. Aren't you and Leo have movie nights on Wednesdays?” Neymar shrugs nonchalantly.

“Leo is busy tonight.” Gerard raises an eyebrow amusedly.

“Leo? Busy? Our little antisocial Lionel?” He laughs softly, Neymar doesn't feel the need to defend Leo. Gerard has known Leo for a long time and he would never be mean to him, only lightly tease him. Gerard has been like Leo's personal guardian angel for years. “What is he doing, charity work?”

“He has a date.” Neymar hisses between his teeth, pressing the button a bit too harder, causing Lavezzi to send a free kick over the bar.

“WHAT?!” Suddenly Shakira runs into the room, she has hair straightener in one hand, and holding her phone in the other, eyes wide as a deer caught in headlights.

“What? What happened?!” She yells nervously. “Are you guys okay?!” Gerard jumps from his seat and looks at his long term girlfriend.

“Shak! Shak! Did you hear that? Leo has a date!” Shakira looks at him with a blank expression for a second then it's replaced with anger.

“Gerard, for fuck's sake! You scared me to death! I thought something happened!”

“But it did, Shak! Can you believe that? Our little Leo has a fucking date tonight! Right now!” Shakira shakes her head and mumbles _'good for him, I hope he gets away from you_ _idiots_ _'_ under her breath as she makes her way to the kitchen with the phone propped between her ear and shoulder.

“Maybe we should follow them.” Gerard says, more like talking to himself. Neymar throws him his famous 'are you fucking serious' look but Gerard doesn't pay attention to him. Then Gerard turns to him quickly. “Wait, who is he dating?”

Neymar sighs before answering.

“Cristiano Ronaldo.” Gerard looks at him like Neymar grew another head in front of him.

“Seriously, Ney?”

“I'm serious!” Neymar yells, getting defensive.

“Jesus, boys, keep your voice down or I will kick you both out!” Shakira yells from the other room.

“Since when Leo and Cristiano are seeing each other?” Gerard asks more seriously now.

“I don't know.” Neymar says annoyedly. He would like to know, too. “Aren't you the one who told Anto about Cristiano asking Leo out?”

“Yeah, I did.” Gerard says, caressing his chin thoughtfully. “But I wasn't expecting Leo to go out with him. I didn't even know they were serious. I thought Sergio was bullshitting again, that's why I told Anto. Leo would tell her if it's true.”

“Well, apparantely it's true.” Neymar says, it's when Gerard realized what he is doing. Sometimes he thinks Shakira is right, he is a big dumb. A very cute one though. He is forcing Neymar to talk about something that obviously bothers him. And can Gerard blame him? He would be mad too if Shakira was seeing someone else. Well, the difference is, Shak is his girlfriend while Leo is nothing more than a close friend to Ney. Neymar knows that he has no right to complain, probably that's why he answers every question patiently, without breaking down.

“Hey, man, sorry.” Gerard says ashamedly but Neymar shrugs again.

“It's okay.” Gerard lifts a brow, clearly not beliving him.

“Is it?” Neymar decides to be open and honest with Gerard because it's Gerard after all. Despite being a pain in the ass -and secretly a 5 years old-, he is a good friend and Ney knows that he can always trust Geri.

“No but there is nothing I can do about it, is there? He accepted Ronaldo's offer which means he wants to date him or at least go out with him, take his chance, you know. And what can I do other than respect it? Leo deserves to be happy and we all should respect his decision, especially me.”

“But that doesn't answer my question. Are you okay? I'm not asking to your brain but your heart.” Neymar hesitates for a second before answering determinedly.

“I will be.”

 

 

Cristiano takes him out, despite still being strangers with similar feelings toward each other, Cris knows Leo well enough to not take him anywhere fancy. It is not like Cris would go to a fancy restaurant or something but most girls or boys he's dated so far wouldn't mind wherever he takes them. But Cris knows Leo isn't comfortable with being in fancy places or crowds. He wants Leo to feel comfortable and enjoy his night with Cris. It is a great opportunity to get to know each other better.

In the end, Cris takes him to the beach where they have picnic together. It is cold and they got sand in their shoes and pants but they don't mind, both decide that lying next to each other, talking about their lives and dreams worth it. Cris talks about football and how he wanted to be a professional footballer when he was a kid but his mother told him that education is more important so he focused on studying but he could never let go of football and that's why the school team is so important to him. Leo explained him why he decided to study Anthropology and that he always wanted to be a linguist. He smiled sweetly when Cris told him he can still do it.

Later they just laid there, side by side on the blankets Cris brought with him, watching the dark sky lightened by clusters of stars.

“What a beautiful night.” Cris says out of blue, ending the peaceful silence between them. “Nights like this makes me sad.” Leo turns his head toward him, eyes shining with curiosity under the moonlight. Cris' eyes still focused on the sky.

“Why?”

“Because,” Cris says, taking a deep breath, “it's so beautiful. But my words do no justice to this beauty and I am not a talented painter either. And it will end soon, just a couple of hours more and sun will shining bright, a new day will begin.”

“But sun is beautiful, too.” Cris smiles at Leo.

“It is indeed. But every beautiful moment leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, not knowing what tomorrow will bring is a scary idea. Maybe I will never be able to enjoy another night like this.” Cris sighs. “I often think about this.”

“About what?”

“My worth. Look at the sky, how big this universe is. And our tiny little world is huge compared to what we see. It is crazy. Sometimes I can't stop myself and believe that our lives don't mean anything at all.” Leo slowly raises himself on his elbow, looking at Cris with a determined and serious expression illuminating his face.

“I disagree.” says Leo passionately. “Look at the Moon, no one would think it means anything to universe but for us, it brightens our nights, we need the Moon. We would lose our way without it. Neymar and Gerard are my best friends and they are always there for me. Not only for my happiest moments but also the saddest ones. My point is,” Leo says, eyes wandering around the beach, he can't look at Cris while there is this intense and strange feeling bubbling inside his chest, “it doesn't matter how much you mean to world, it doesn't matter how many people know or love you, you can't change the world alone but one person can change the world of other's. Maybe Neymar won't make it big, maybe Gerard will always be a man child but they brigten my life and I would lose my way without them, they mean so much to me. So tell me, do you think their existence doesn't mean anything?” A small smile appears on Cristiano's lips, eyes shining with admiration and love, he reaches forward and tucks a lock of Leo's hair behind his ear. Hand stays on his cheek after, caressing the soft and cold skin.

“You are amazing.” He whispers in the dark. Leo's eyelashes flutter against his cheek as he looks down shyly. “I want to brighten your world.”

Leo feels his cheek burning and he doesn't say anything but it's okay, he doesn't need to. Because his pale hand reaching forward and grabbing Cris' should be enough of an answer.

 

 

**06.11.2015**

 

It is safe to say Cris is in a good, no, in a great mood. How could he not be? He had great time with Leo last night, he was as sweet as Cris imagined him to be. And despite Sergio saying Leo is one awkward guy, he was nothing but normal. Maybe a bit shy but that was understandable and Cris finds it so cute. But seriously, everything about Leo screams cute anyway. He has those beautiful eyes and soft hair like--

“Hey, Cris!” When he heard someone saying his name, he was walking to his next class. He looks at the owner of the voice, Ignacio waving at him from the other side of the garden. Cris slows down until Ignacio catches up with him. “What's up, man?” Ignacio says, breathing heavily.

“Good, what about you?” He says because hey, he feels really good today and his mother raised him right.

“Good. So..” Ignacio starts, “are we meeting tonight?”

“Of course. At 7, library, okay?” Ignacio smiles widely.

“Yes, yes, that's great. Thank you, man, I owe you big time.” Cris shrugs his shoulder.

“No problem.”

“Alright, see you then.” Ignacio says, slowing down his pace as Cris keeps walking to the building. He doesn't look behind, knowing Ignacio probably watching him disappear. He doesn't get this guy, it's not like something is wrong with him but he seems so happy and cheerful all the time. How can someone smile 24/7? But this is none of his business after all, he is only going to help him to pass his exam, that's all.

The rest of the day, Cris doesn't think about Ignacio or their studying session. His mind keeps wandering to last night.

 

 

“Tell me how you say it.” Xavi's dark eyes focus on Neymar's slim figure, his gaze is intense and almost burning Neymar's skin. Neymar's eyes wander around the room nervously, looking anywhere except Xavi. Andrés sighs dramatically as he turns the page of the book he is reading on Leo's bed.

“Rekt-”

“Wrong!” Xavi's voice echoing in the small dorm room. “It's _Rechtschreibung,_ I told you 5 times before!” Xavi shakes his head with disappointment as Neymar buries his face in his hands. He knew it was a terrible, terrible idea. Just then the door opens and Leo walks into their room with a worried expression. Neymar looks up at him like his guardian angel, his saviour just walked into his personal prison.

“What is going on here?” He asks, closing the door after himself. “I can hear Xavi from other side of the bulding.”

“Xavi is helping Neymar to study German.” Andrés says without taking his eyes off of his book. Leo groans.

“Again, Ney?” Because Leo knows what happened the last time Xavi and Neymar studied together. Xavi is a great friend and one of the smartest people Leo's ever known but his obsession with perfection is a pain in the ass and you have to be really desperate to ask help from him. Because he won't let you go until you learn every freaking thing and he will make you feel like an idiot if you don't.

“I already regret it.” Neymar mutters under his breath but the way Xavi's eyes burning is the proof that he heard Ney.

“This is how you are thanking me?” Neymar throws his arms in air, completing the dramatic scene in the room.

“Look, I am grateful of course but I am trying and you just can't see it. I am not like you, okay? For some people getting C or B is enough, alright? Not all of us are straight A students.” Xavi stands up from where he's sitting, eyes growing big. Leo stops him immediately, looking at Andrés for help. Andrés sighs again as he closes his book and gets on his feet, wrapping an arm around Xavi's shoulder and dragging him toward the door.

“Let's go get something to eat, Xavi. I am starving.” he says, not only to save Neymar's ass but he genuinely wants to get away from this depressing room that has been his prison for past 1.5 hours.

“But--”

“Neymar can handle it from now on and Leo is here, too.” Andrés doesn't leave any open door for a discussion so Xavi sighs and follows after him.

“You owe Andrés.” Leo says as he looks at the closed door of their dorm room. Neymar sighs and falls down on his bed, right arm covering his eyes dramatically. “Hey, is everything alright?” Leo asks softly, sitting down next to Neymar and caressing the soft skin of his other arm.

But no, everything is not okay and Neymar is a big idiot. That's why his next words are “Where have you been last night?” Leo looks at him confusedly.

“Here, in my bed, sleeping? I left early because I had Mr. Enrique's class this morning.” Neymar looks at him suspiciously but relaxing nonetheless.

“So you didn't spend the night with Ronaldo?” Leo's eyes grow bigger with shock.

“What-- I was-- What are you saying Neymar?” Leo says in disbelief. “You think I am stupid? You think I threw myself in his arms the first moment because _oh, poor little Leo, he is so awkward_ _and desperate, he believes what he says but_ _how can someone be interested in him?”_

“Leo, I--”

“Yeah, I know what people talk behind my back, especially since Ronaldo asked me out.” Neymar looks at him guiltily. “They think that he will fuck me and leave me, laughing with his friends behind me. I don't mind what they say but you are my best friend and still.. still you think like that of me? You are scared that he got what he wanted from me and I made a fool of myself?” His voice is cold but what made Neymar cringe is the hurt and sadness reading all over his face.

“Leo, I am so sorry, that's not what I meant.” Neymar tries again but Leo stands up without looking at him twice.

“Really? Because this is how it sounded to me.” Leo says, taking his wallet and room keys from where he left before sitting on Ney's bed.

“Where are you going?” Neymar asks worriedly as Leo makes his way to the door. Leo doesn't turn or look at him over his shoulder but his hand stays still for a second, giving Leo a moment to answer coldly.

“Somewhere else.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another bad chapter, what can I say, I guess I can't write anymore

**Author's Note:**

> I only self studied English before, didn't take any courses or classes so it's safe to say my Eng is not very good, be nice to me lol


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